I am split between two existences: in Fresno, as a bisexual artist and in Sanger, a son in the closet. I grew up navigating my sexuality under the scope of religion so it has become a core part of my development and perception of the world. I felt guilt for leaving the Catholic Church but existing here, separate from there, allowed me to dissect the teachings I was brought up with. The land and the clouds that I paint are tied to this separation of place: the cultivating fields that stretch from Sanger to Fresno, the mountain peaks by Millerton lake, and the omnipresence of God peering over all of it.
While my sexuality will always be a part of my reasoning for leaving the Church, I do not want it to dismiss all the Church has actively done to turn me away. For an institution that preaches love and kindness, its outdated beliefs have been used to justify arguments against women’s rights, the villainization of the lgbtq+ community, as well as the abuse many children have endured in the name of God. I was once committed to the Church, but it has weaponized its teachings that I was brought up with. My paintings are a retelling of these beliefs and are of the people that exist here with me. They embody the “unconventional” and “untraditional”, both in their figurative narratives and real lives. While I am a product of my upbringing, it is because of the people in these paintings that I can exist freely within this space.
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